I got home today, stupid early (it was awesome!), and after feeding and snuggling with my doglets made the wise decision to go to the gym and try out a new interval training of running and walking. It might be considered jogging with me, but I'm hoping it will yield positive results in my last minute quest to look a little better in a swim suit come my trip to Hawaii.
I came back, with every intention of walking the girls, but got sidetracked in the backyard with how much the weeds have grown in our fairly cool spring temperatures and with the recent rains. I pulled clover for a while and finally decided just to mow it all down. I love how the yard looks freshly mowed.
After consuming my gourmet dinner of Totino's Party Pizza (yes, I know... this probably cancels all that I did at the gym today), I poured myself a glass of wine and meandered through my backyard relishing in all of the work I've done back there over the past 3 years. I think it looks awesome.
And that got me pissed.
I'm about to turn 30. Who cares. That doesn't bother me. What does bother me is that not so long ago meandering through my yard was a social activity. I'm pissed because I'm 30 years old and somehow I'm right back at square one.
I had a plan.
I went on dates. I met "the guy" and fell in love. We got married, bought a house, adopted 2 pretty little dogs, and I started tearing up the backyard in the name of gardening. We'd sit outside at night, glass of wine in hand, admire the work, talk about the weekend, pet a pup, eventually notice that the sky was being taken over by stars one at a time, and realize we should go inside or at least turn on the Christmas lights. The plan was to keep doing that for like 30 years and then retire, hopefully acquiring a surprise windfall along the way to finance all of the European vacations we'd take. That was the plan.
I'm good at making plans and following through.
I chose a career and decided to get good at it. Check.
I zoned in on the specific area I wanted to live and work and made it happen. Check.
I wanted a fancy, eye-catching fireplace, so I bought Dad beer. Check.
I set lofty goals and then somehow or another actually met them. Check.
And here I am, a week away from 30, and I'm back at square one, alone in my yard. I realize that for whatever reason, the number attached to it does have some bearing. By the time you're 30 you're supposed to be kinda settled down, at least in the south. I've always known I wanted to be married. I work better with a partner; I just do. I really did have it all, and now I'm back at frickin square one, and I'm pissed about it!!!
My anger is seeping into really unfair places. I can't tell you how many Facebook friends I have strongly considered un-friending solely because they are A) pregnant, B) post pictures of their kids, or C) talk about how awesome their spouse is. Understand that what I say next I 100% know is completely ridiculous:
Don't you know how rude that is??? Can you not possibly imagine how insensitive it is to constantly rub your nice little tidy life in my face???
Granted, I don't feel that way all the time or even a majority of the time, but as my 30th birthday has been approaching, and as I transition from one job to another, this really angry voice that I don't generally entertain has been surfacing far more than is healthy. I'm an intelligent, decently attractive, successful, funny, and very loyal person, and damn it, I deserve not to be alone in my backyard!
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Back during spring break, my folks, my good friend Anne, and I tilled up the front of my yard and replaced crappy, water hungry semi-grass for what will eventually be a very lush front butterfly garden! In just a couple of months a lot of the plants have started filling in nicely, especially my Wendy's Wish salvia (the HUGE mauve colored one) that is making it's appearance just about everywhere in Austin right now. It's a pretty incredible plant! You can see a lot of new growth on my bamboo muhly, right above my Texas stone, that has shot up thanks to this crazy stuff called rain! I was initially hesitant to make such a drastic change in my landscape, but I am very happy I did - as are the hummingbirds that are now frequenting what used to be a very sad little yard. :)
Yesterday at a backyard fundraiser at a good friend of mine's east Austin chateau, I randomly met two of my landscaping idols - the guys from The Grackle. I'm sure it was a very awkward encounter as I introduced myself as Darcy who is obsessed with your yard. :)