Privacy Dilemmas

This woman wants to talk to me.

Cool stuff... I know... :)

I emailed The Suze Orman Show a while back asking if they thought I was doing the right stuff with my money: 30 year old widow, planning for retirement, making sure I can do it on my own if I need to. All the kinds of stuff people my age SHOULD be thinking about if they want to retire before the age of 70 and/or be able to have a normal existence once their monthly checks are dramatically chopped. 

So I emailed Suze. We're friends. I've watched her for years. I'm positive that she would always tell me "You CAN afford it" if I were to ask. :) 

But then the crazy thing was my email was actually answered!!! In the form of a phone call! A phone call that came in the middle of new-to-district teacher inservice I might add. I waited to pee my pants until AFTER I left campus that day. :) Would I like to be a guest on their show, they inquired. After an emphatic yes, I was sent a lengthy Excel file that covered every aspect of my financial status from top to bottom and a lot of places you forget about. 

I emailed my info back and then combed through it, piece by piece, with one of their producers... I talked at length to a producer. :) Yeah, I'm awesome. :) 

And then they called me back.

Sigh.

A quick search revealed a lot about my story, "my situation" as CNBC calls it, that peaked their interest. Originally, they wanted me as a phone guest for their "How Am I Doing" segment, citing there are far more young widows out there than we hear about, especially in the last several year with young, married men going off to Iraq and Afghanistan. A young widow is relatable. A young widow is interesting. 

But a young widow with my story is video interview worthy. 

And I don't know how I feel about that. It actually made my stomach churn a little. A piece of my heart will always belong to Roger. I will always cherish the time I was married to him, and even as I find it harder to remember his voice, I will never forget how loud it was or the sound of his laughter. But coming to a new school, I get a little bit of my anonymity back. 

I have felt under a spotlight for the last 2 1/2 years. Every time I walk into a room of band directors I wonder if he is what they think about. Probably not. I wonder how many of the looks are that of pity. Probably none. Maybe a couple. But I am very sensitive of the fact that I was thrust into the limelight for nothing that referenced my skill as a musician or dedication to my craft. We became recognizable through a horrible situation with tragic results, and as far as I want to know, maybe I get to be "anonymous" again. 

But "my situation" is unique. "My situation" is worthy of more time and a closer look. I just don't know if I want that.