A Year in Cell Phone Pictures

This is totally not an original idea as I stole it from another blog I frequent, but I love the idea of the story my random pictures tell. Here is a sampling from 2011, the year that should have ended a hell of a lot sooner.

I started learning to crochet (this was my SECOND project ever).

I researched ideas for what my next tattoo might be. Never got this one.

Roger and I started hardscaping our entry way. That Texas stone has never looked good in the way we envisioned it. My nephew Liam was born this same day, and 3 days later Roger died.

Shanna sent me this picture of Liam in the hat I made him (my first crochet project) the day we made the funeral arrangements. He was 5 days old. 

Not knowing what to do with all of Roger's white t-shirts, I found this awesome way to up-cycle them into t-shirt yarn.

I found that keeping myself busy with projects, like this scarf, kept me sane.

I visited the Fort Worth Museum of Modern Art on Spring Break.

I learned how to turn that t-shirt yarn into a necklace.

My car was "dolphined" by a couple of ninja pranksters.

I researched more tattoo ideas...

...and decided on a more "calming" and "centered" design.

 We recorded for the Seattle Convention, were selected, and started thinking of t-shirt designs.

I did my first Painting with a Twist piece and was instantly hooked.

The golf balls... If you know, this needs no explanation...

I learned to make light catchers with mirrors and beads. 

 

And I crocheted some more.

I found a raincoat for the upcoming Seattle and Ireland trips.

We made it to Dublin, Ireland to spread the ashes.

I found out I secretly brewed my own beer...

...and visited dilapidated castles in Northern Ireland.

The view from one of our B&Bs...

...and we visited Gallaghers Boxty House, not the Alamo.

I came back to Texas and completed my second PwaT painting.

On a painting high, I painted the bathroom... and then repainted it because I hated it.

I learned to do some canvas paintings of my own with frog tape and the wall paint that sucked.

No idea why Scarlet was sitting with me on the bathroom floor.

I crocheted some more, sometimes with the assistance of the doglets.

I worked in the yard.

I went with friends to see Paul Simon.

I did my third painting.

We gave our Send Off Concert, and I actually wore a dress...

... and then we finally made it to Seattle with the band!

We accidentally left the travel agent at our hotel so we had to find another one. 

As a "treat" for the band kids, I straightened my hair. It never fails to be more disruptive than it is worth.

I decided that I would decorate for Christmas this year (since we didn't last year), 

and found these lights at Ikea.

I made the girls some bling to wear on Christmas and then forgot about it.

My sister and I made Christmas cookies.

Then we went ice skating at the Galleria in Dallas. No one fell. But if someone had fallen, it totally would have been her. :) 

Scarlet wished everyone a Merry Christmas.

Santa brought me super nerdy insult cards. 

And Liam pretended to be a seal with my gloves on his feet.

As much as I thought 2010 sucked, 2011 managed to start absolutely horrifically and end surprisingly okay. Here's hoping next year's pictures tell a story of hope, completed projects, and a bright future.

Lessons 2011 Has Taught Me

*Make a will. And update your beneficiaries. And make sure that both of your names are on anything that you would still want to use tomorrow. Anything uncovered by wills, beneficiaries, or joint account names will be frozen at least as long as it takes to receive a death certificate (which can take weeks) and even longer if probate court is required.

            If you have children, have remarried, or are single, MAKE A WILL. You are saving your surviving family a lot of unnecessary stress and trouble.  If you are married for the first time without children, it can actually be easier to simply make sure your spouse is your beneficiary on all accounts and is a joint account holder/owner on everything else and bypass the will. Wills have to go through the entire executor and/or probate process, freezing all assets in the process.

You know that separate checking or savings account you have because you didn’t want to join up your money when you got married? Your spouse is going to have a hell of time dealing with those unless you have a POD (payable on death) clause set up.

Losing a spouse is stressful enough. Have your money and properties in order. Texas is a handwritten-will state, meaning you could even handwrite something as simple as “I _______ leave all of assets and property to ________ upon my death,” sign it, and have a witness, which would make life all the more simple for someone else later.

*Have a list of your accounts… somewhere. Having a list of how to access those accounts would be even better – think user names and passwords. Organize all your account information into logical places that other people know about it. This includes car titles…

*Dogs know. I have been amazed this year how much my doglets have obviously felt with me. Lucy went into a deep period of mourning that lasted about 3 months when Roger died, and some of the changes she went through were permanent. She is a changed being, dog or not, from the loss of a loved one, and I have found an interesting level of empathy from watching her mourn. Scarlet became almost mothering during that same period and is still very sensitive to the moments when I really miss Roger. Both of them actively waited and looked for him, at times to the point of being a bit unnerving, but it has been made obvious to me that dogs, and perhaps pets in general, know and understand far more that we give them credit, and that is comforting.

*Don’t buy the cheap lawn mower because your husband knows how to start it.  I rue the day I insisted upon the $120 lawn mower instead of the one with the automatic start.  That extra money spent would have made my life now a lot easier and would have made lawn work more enjoyable for Roger that whole time before. Obviously, this could be applied to almost anything.

*Even suspicions of depression are serious. I’m not even going to try to write something poignant or informative here. If you are ever concerned, take them to the damn doctor, and do it THEN. Fight about it if you have to. You can always apologize for being overbearing later.

*Say I love you more. I love watching How I Met Your Mother. Over the Christmas break, I’ve being OD-ing on the show. One evening I watched both the episode in which Marshall’s father dies suddenly and then the following episode that deals primarily with his father’s last words to him. Both shows were incredibly difficult for me but specifically the one about last words. Humorously, his dad’s last words were to rent Crocodile Dundee 3 instead of something loving and fatherly. This really upset him, and understandingly so. How many times have any of us left a person important to us in a way that looking back would be disappointing, whether they know we care for them or not. None of us would want “don’t forget the milk” to be the last thing someone hears from us, or “we’ll talk about this when I get home” to be the final thought. My last words to Roger were, “Go back to what you were doing. I’ll be home in about 15 minutes,” and despite the fact that we said it often and meant it always, an “I love you” would have been a really easy 3 words to add on.

*Susan Bates crochet hooks are better. That’s it.

*No one knows how you feel or how you should feel, and don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.

*It’s always the little things. We make such a big deal out of the big things. We over-plan holidays, spend way too much money on gifts and parties, stress over weddings, choreograph the perfect picture, and freak out when things don’t go according to plan. But when we look back it’s the little things that make an impact. I have fond memories of our wedding, our family holidays, the vacations we took, the first night we spent in our first house, the beautiful planned photos in our house, but those are not what I miss about Roger. The things that still tug at my heart are mostly that which seemed insignificant: the little air kisses he’d give me across the room, our inside jokes, constantly finding more cookies in the shopping cart, talking smack while we watched tv, watching him mow, the way his foot felt against mine at night, cutting his hair before drill weekends… When my grandmother died, my mom asked me if there was anything I wanted. There were only 2 things that I even remotely associated with her that had meaning for me: porcelain gnomes that she fired and painted that I remember looking at as we swam in her backyard and a really gaudy ring she always wore that had moving parts that I remember spinning on her finger as I sat in her lap. It’s the little things.

*Everything is temporary except the end. Which is simply my way of saying don’t procrastinate, don’t put off, live life to the fullest, carpe diem… Time truly is fleeting.

*Losing someone won’t kill you. Even if it feels like it might.

*More shockingly, you can be happy even after you lose someone, and that’s okay. Survivors’ guilt can be really rotten, and no one deserves that in addition to everything else. 

Winding Down

In one day, the busiest year of my life will have wound down just in time for the holidays. One day because I still have to get through a Winter Concert before I officially go into chill mode! :) 

I've been a busy crafting bee for a month or so; I just haven't had the time for documentation. The scarf to the left I made just in time for our trip to Seattle. It's super warm,  (more importantly) super easy scarf that I found the pattern online at Gardener's Rambling Blog. It's called the Ashlea Scarf, and it was seriously one of the fastest scarves I've ever made. 

The scarf above I finished last week. I put 2 pictures of it because you can see the sparkle yarn in the first and the detail in second. I actually made up my own pattern for this one. :) You totally can't tell based on the pictures, but the black sparkle scarf is about the same width as the one that is below. 

This is a scarf I'm currently working on. It's a skinny scarf only about 4 inches wide, if that much. I'm using a really light weight bamboo yarn that feels almost silky. Technically I started this scarf like 2 months ago, but maybe with the holiday break coming up I'll actually finish it. Again, this is a crazy easy pattern that I found at here.

Hopefully the upcoming break will provide me with some sleep catch up, late mornings, lots of coffee, ice skating (maybe!!!),  and crappy daytime tv with family and yarn. :) 

Thanksgiving

Last Thanksgiving we left Austin on Tuesday, right after we picked out my new frames at the eye place. It was a 4 hour trek that had us driving the bulk of it in the dark. As we drove through one town we passed a place that in big red neon letters said “Meskan Restaurant”. I was horrified and went into one of my rants to Roger. He was very confused as to what I was talking about. Turns out I was seeing the sign so blurry that the X-I-C had merged in my eyes to form an S-K. Roger teased me about that for weeks.

Half way to Conroe Roger received a call that his grandmother had fallen very ill, and his father would be skipping Thanksgiving with us to drive to Dallas to care for her. It was to the point that we weren’t sure she was going to make it through the holiday. (She did but passed away this summer). My own grandma had just died 3 weeks prior.

The doglets were super excited to get out of the car when we arrived, but some of that was curbed by the presence of Molly, their extremely large lab puppy cousin…. Technically their aunt I suppose.

Wednesday was a flurry of family, baking, last minute grocery store runs, wine consumption, and this new fangled game called Angry Birds. (I’m sure it wasn’t new, but it was to us.)  In between the various stages of my pie making, I became a pro-bird thrower, and by the end of the day Roger, Kim, Joan, and I were all playing, though perhaps not as rabidly as myself.

Thursday we ate a late afternoon/early evening dinner. We set the table with 3D foam trees we had made the year before with leaves that read things we were thankful for. During dinner we all took turns saying what we were thankful for that year. I don’t even remember what mine were.

That night the Williams clan piled in the living room to watch the UT-A&M game while I started my re-read of Harry Potter 7. They were loud (primarily Roger and his dad with their big booming voices), and I remember getting irritated by just how loud one could be over a dumb football game. I wouldn’t mind hearing him cheer now.

Late Friday morning we did a little Black Friday shopping before Roger and I headed out for the 5 hour drive to my parents. He read HP7 to me in the car as I drove. He was a really good reader and made it interesting. He was such an HP trove of knowledge that any reference to another book I had forgotten he was quick to refresh my memory.

The time with my parents was pretty laid back. Saturday we played 42. I’d like to say we won, but I honestly don’t remember who did. I tried to get my parents hooked on Angry Birds too, but they seemed uninterested. I remember talking about grandmas.

Sunday Roger loaded up the trunk with firewood and we headed home. There’s still a lot of woody junk in my car from that trip. I’m too lazy to vacuum it out. He read until it was too dark to see, and we tried to listen to Christmas music, but neither of us were in the mood.

********************************************

Today we shared Thanksgiving dinner, Williams clan and mine all together. There was a lot less pomp, but I was glad to share it with the whole family.  While we didn’t have any foam trees or a specified time to share, I AM THANKFUL FOR:

*both sides of my wonderful family

*my puppies that keep me sane and silly at home

*my job that amply keeps me afloat and super busy

*laptops

Me Time

I am in dire need of some Me Time. I absolutely love my job. I love the kids I work with every day, even when I don't. But I'm tired.

My band is taking a trip to Seattle this week, courtesy of a fabulous CD we sent in that won us the chance to give a showcase concert at a music convention. We found out back in April, and 95% of my life since then has been focused on our upcoming concert and making the trip a reality. I'm happy to do it, and I'm more than glad to be a part of one of those lifetime memories the kids will make up there in the rain. :) But I'm tired.

I am incredibly thankful for this trip. It has given me a focused purpose these past 7 months and in the process helped me handle the past year just a little bit at a time instead of stewing in my own emotions. I am so thankful for that because in a weird way in the insanity that comes with the trip has kept me sane. :) But I'm tired.

my overly bounteous purchase

SO TIRED that when I went to Barton Springs Nursery a couple of weekends ago and bought 12 new plants (shouldn't have done that...) I've only managed to get 7 in the ground. I've currently planted 2 mexican sages, a mexican mint marigold (the second died before I could plant it...), a winter senna that looks strange, 2 almond verbenas (yum!), a rock rose, and one of 3 somethings that I can't remember what it's called. Many of them replaced plants that didn't make it through the summer. Several though have required a bed extension that I'm super pumped about!!!!

I also bought some bamboo muhly that I got very excited by but have absolutely no idea where I even want to put it.

Here is one of my extensions that is still in the process of being created. I spent about 2 hours tearing up the crap grass that was growing there, removing all of the old roots and rocks, and preparing the soil for real plants. The Mexican Sage has already grown a lot since I took this picture, and hopefully I spread them out enough that they won't crowd my Hot Lips Salvia come spring. Just FYI... the bit of fencing was just to keep the dogs away, and the rock is testing how I feel about that look.





This is another of the projects I've started. Nothing grows in this part of my yard, aside from the rogue crape myrtle that I have finally just accepted is going to grow here after 2 1/2 years of trying to get rid of it. I usually have a few adirondacks in this corner which get a great view of all the yard work I've done, so I thought I'd do a little "masonry" project by laying some brick to create little seating area. This is my first round of bricks that is pseudo finished. It will eventually be brick and crushed granite in at least 3, maybe 4 rings. Lots of work, but a lot of fun in the process.

 As for all of the indoor projects Dad completed to the point of me needing to finish... that'll have to wait until I actually get some of that Me Time after this trip.